Category: Short Story

Silly Childhood Scars

Silly Childhood Scars

by Kasia x ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I was running around, taking in all of the scenery. The trees, the fresh air, the mountains, my parents smiled at me as they clearly saw I was enjoying our little road trip. I look further and finally saw the best attraction of this whole trip according to my young mind, the ice cream van! I ran towards it while hearing my parents shouting for me to slow down and wait for them behind me, but I couldn’t contain myself.

While I was running towards my goal, ignoring anything and everything in my path, I was thinking of all the different ice cream flavours I could have; strawberry, chocolate, that one with the colourful stripes, oh it was all just so exciting!

I push past many people, getting closer and closer to my goal. But then I felt pain in one of my knees, I saw the icecream van slowly vanish and get further and further away, as I looked down, I saw red and it was not strawberry icecream.

My parents ran to me, checking me if I was okay while giving me the usual lecture a 6-year-old would get for running off, I cried in pain while my mother comforted me. “It’s not that bad, look it’s only small, it will be fine,” she said calmingly. I felt my dad lift me up and before I knew it I was in the car and our trip had ended early.

I often look down at my knees now, 10 years after, and laugh not cry. My childhood innocence and brain left me with a cut like scar, just above my left knee cap. It reminds me often to enjoy life, but take your time with it. To not rush things as good things will come to you on their own eventually. Unless we are talking about that ice cream I was supposed to get on that day, it never came, but I think I would have picked plain old vanilla anyway.

Why She Feels Like This

Why She Feels Like This

by Kasia x ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

This short story was inspired by something I face every day in my life, and that is anxiety. Everyone has a different take on anxiety and what it feels like for them, so please accept this as my take on it and how it feels for me. The way I express this scenario is by no means telling you what everyone’s anxiety is like, as everyone is different. This story is dedicated to a scenario most people know, and dread the feeling of.

Love, Kasia x

 

 

She feels her hands start to get warm, and sight fuzzy. The wait makes her feel uneasy, going over this simple everyday scenario over and over again in her head; making sure she gets it right, no mess-ups for anyone to laugh at or question.

It very much so is such a simple scenario for many, but not for her. See, no one understands why she cannot do simple things like this, and when she speaks on them she feels silly and is degraded by everyone around her. No one understands unless they feel like she does, and not many do.

She takes a step forward as another person leaves, her hands now sweating and thoughts of leaving enter her mind. “I should go and just do this another time” and “This can wait, it’s not that important” But it is. She needs to do this as its part of everyday life. She starts to think deeper “I’m just overthinking this, I’m so weird” and “Why can’t I just do things like normal people”

But she is normal. She tells her self all the times that she is not, yet she is, she is just different, she processes and feels differently and the day she accepts it will be the day all these feelings will vanish and she will feel free and content with herself and her actions.

She looks around helplessly as if she is going to find one of her friends or anyone she knows around, so they could just do this one simple thing for her. Just so she does not have to speak for herself and not concentrate on the words coming out of her mouth. She wishes this feeling would go away, this aching feeling in her throat every time she is in public and has to speak, it is normal to speak to others this way, yet for some reason her mind leads her to think otherwise, she feels otherwise, she feels judgment and despair over her own words every time they leave her mouth in public. Surrounded by people she does not know.

Another person leaves, she once again steps forward. She is now the next person. This is the worst moment for her. The moment when everything she had planned starts to leave her mind because of pure stress of what she is going to say, will not be right, or someone will laugh, or think she looks odd. The action in question stops being her only issues. She takes in everything around her and on her into consideration too, any movement or sound she makes she feels as it will be judged by everyone.

All her biggest insecurities now come into play, everything she hates about herself is also becoming the problem of the situation. But not the action in its self. She has forgotten the aim of why she is where she is, what to say and how to act now, all she cares about is her appearance to others and how she behaves in this public environment.

She is now there.

At the point where she needs to speak for herself and do the thing she has been dreading.

 

“That will be £23.65, paying in cash or card darling?” says the cashier.

“Cash” She replies.

She pays that lady, takes her shopping, says thank you and walks away.

 

That was it. That was all. A one-minute interaction and all that stress, anxiety, thoughts and feelings all in one go. Yet it felt like a lifetime, she could not wait to leave the store and be alone, she could not wait for the cashier to finish scanning her things so she could say that one word and leave.

But that’s not all, there is also the after, now she thinks of what she said, was it okay? Was it what “normal” people would say? Did I look weird to anyone?

These thoughts will spiral in her mind until she gets home, and then even after that, even when she lies down to sleep that night she will think “did that cashier think I’m weird? What I said was okay I mean…” and here starts the conversation with herself, to reason with herself why this one thing she said to the cashier is definitely not “weird” and assuring herself that she was fine.

She finally falls asleep, until the next time she has to talk herself through why she feels like this.